And you really though it would be about frogs. Well, I like them ok. Bright green frogs, for example, look adorable, like they are not even real. Frogs are pretty useful too because they get rid of mosquitoes that I cannot stand. Not too mention that my favorite swimming style comes straight from them. Except they are slimy, absolutely disgusting when it rains and of course some of them spray stuff into your eyes when you get too close (toads)... 

Have you ever read The Universal Question - Just What the Heck is Life? by Dave Barry? It is a great source of information about the natural world. Read it carefully...

A Key to Life as We Know It

Today's Scientific Question is: just what the heck is Life anyway? And where does it come from?

Answer: Ancient Man tried for thousands of years to explain life. Ancient Man would do anything to avoid honest work. Ancient Woman would yell at him: "Don't forget to make pointed stoned to stab the saber-toothed tiger with" or "Don't forget to migrate to North America," and he would say, “I can’t right now, dear, I’m trying to explain Life.”

Over years, Man came up with many explanations for Life, all of them stupid. In fact when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until 1926 was stupid. I bet kids would be able to get from kindergarten through high school in about thirty-five minutes if we stopped making them memorize all the drivel Ancient Man came up with about the gods and goddesses and why the moon goes through phases and so on.

Anyway, Modern Science, using all the sophisticated analytical tools at its disposal has discarded all the myths and some up with the definition that covers all forms of Life:

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

By this definition, the amoeba, the mango, the frog, the squirrel, the bear, the begonia, and some lawyers are forms of Life.

Life as we know it today falls into two categories: Plants and Animals. Plants are divided into three subcategories; Green Vegetables, Yellow vegetables, and Weeds. Animals are divided into seven subcategories:

·       Animals You Can Eat: cows, turkey, porks, bolognas, veals, zucchinis, tuna fish.

·       Animals You Can Sit On: horses, certain turtles.

·       Animals That Can Knock You Over: rhinoceroses, soccer fans.

·       Totally Useless Animal That Would Have Ceased to Exist Thousands of Years Ago If Not for Greedy Pet Store Owners Who Prey on Unsuspecting Eight-Year Olds: hamsters, gerbils.

·       Animals That Are Easily Impressed: dogs

·       Animals Whose Sole Goal in Life Is to Wait at the Bottom of Sleeping Bags and Sting or Bite People to Death: scorpions, snakes.

·       Animals That Are Not Easily Impressed: cats. 

You’ll notice that this list not include insects. This is because insects are not animals. Insects are insects,, and there sole reason for existing in to be sprayed by poisonous substances from aerosol cans. Oh, I know you’ve heard a lot of ecology-nuts talk about how you shouldn’t kill insects because they are part of the Great Chain of Life and birds eat them and so on, but I say go ahead and kill them. If necessary, we can do without birds, too.